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Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

This war is not our war. We are killing our own people to please foreign masters whereas we should be killing our own people to please our own masters. This is what I have always said. We need our own tsunami and we need it in our own teacup.

As a new era dawns and we enter into the golden age of the history of Pakistan, I would like to give the good news to my people that we entered into an electoral alliance with Shaikh Sahib.

Shaikh Sahib, as is well known, is a veteran of all the revolutions starting from the French Revolution and ending with the Lal Masjid rising. He is man of vision and a harbinger of change. The change that is coming; the change that is unstoppable; the change that the people of this country are thirsting for; the idea whose time has come.

There are some acts of Providence, on which we humans have no control. This is destiny. Some marriages are made in heaven, willed by the Almighty Field Marshal. If we question His will and pursue the temptations of this world we can end up making disastrous errors of judgment, such as marrying the daughters of petty and grabbing billionaires. If we want to follow the straight and narrow path and be raised among the righteous on the Day of Judgment, we must rely on the Holy Writ that issues from the pen of the Field Marshal.

There is no dearth of detractors who want to spread despondency among the faithful, This wedlock has not been entered into lightly. I have thought long and hard about it. There was a concern that it may fall foul of the family law ordinance of 1962, (which is in violation of the Sharia anyway). But I have consulted with Shah Mahmood and he has given his permission in writing. Moreover, Shaikh Sahib has pronounced in front of faithful and upright witnesses that there is no Field Marshal except Field Marshal and the Unity of Command is inviolable.

Shaikh Sahib has often been compared to the utensil that is used for ablutions by the faithful. There has been a debate among the scientists specializing in personal hygiene about this traditional and evocative implement. I must confess that I myself had mixed feelings about this when I first learned to spell ‘tsunami’. However, now I have come to the view, that lotas with a spout are allowed in Islam and Shaikh Sahib would therefore qualify by a wide margin. The lotas without a spout are the work of devil and should be eschewed.

I have therefore come to this haloed ground, sanctified by the blood of the martyrs. I have looked into his limpid eyes, held his hand and uttered the vows. We have sworn that we will be together, in one big harem, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, using the same hair dye, under the benevolence of the Almighty Field Marshal, till the next coup do us part.

The Great Khan

Liaqat Marriage Hall


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