Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Peace be on those how follow the true path.

Dear Malala,

I am sorry I could not write to you earlier. I was spending some quality time with my herd of chaste and virtuous goats in Waziristan, after the heroic capture of Bannu prison. I was shocked and saddened by the attack on left side of the skull. Contrary to what Qazi Sahib’s daughter says, we all know that it was not on the right side. She cannot tell her right elbow from her left. Silly cow. Let us not get into an argument about that. Let us leave that to Allah. He is the best judge. More...

Hakim Hazik

Extraordinary Rendition

Dar Sahib came knocking on the door, a kashkol (1.5m x 1.5m) in hand, begging for a 1 per cent increase. I have told him to go away. The court will not be moved by the considerations of economics or economic literacy or control of inflation. It only wants justice for the sprawling and miserable humanity, including Arsalan Beta. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

I am kirying my eyes out. When your country turns igainst you and your idapted country turns igainst you, when the Iscatalnd Yard digs up old SIMs and Ifhitkar Bhai sings like a canary, is there any pynt in living? More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The holy month of Ramazan is near. The devil is tied down and the faithful are allowed to earn credits in the court of Allah SWT. We have put together a wonderful programme of prayer and submission to wipe out all your sins. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Allah SWT be praised. 

The mujahideen of Islam have made rapid gains against the enemies of Islam. We have eliminated 21 female enemies of God with the help of the blessed improvised explosive device, put together with meticulous care with halal materiel from the mudarba based, profit and loss sharing, Pak Arab fertilizer company. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Dear viewers, 

We are in the State Cave complex in Miran Shah from where we will bring you the blow by blow account of the negotiations between the delegates of Darul Kufr of the Trans Indus and the Islamic Emirate of the Khurasan. More...

Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Noon,

We are sitting in the new and improved haram sharif which we have rebuilt after erasing the ancient graves with Komatsu bulldozers. Tears are rolling down our pious chins and our blameless goatee is soaked to its dyed roots. We are so happy to see you taking the oath of office of the satrap of the Republic. We, the thirty one royal consorts and Prince Muqrin, with the pocket comb that he confiscated from you, are looking forward to see you when you come and visit the Kingdom to offer homage and kiss our signet ring. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The great leader of the masses, the rejuvenator of the true faith and the vicegerent of God on earth, Wali ur Rehman Mehsud, fell martyr to the Zionist, infidel, drone strike on wednesday. May he rest in everlasting peace and may his message and mission spread to the whole of Khurasan and Transoxiana. More...

The Quaid ispeaks

Hakim Hazik

Dear Mutahidda nation, 

Yours Tiruly is very distiressed at the current happenings in the mother country of Azizabad Middle Kilass Republic. That isnake in the girass, the viper in our bosom, the son of a canine, has been accusing me of ordering the contract killing of Zohra Bibi. This is not talerable. All patriatic Azizabadis must enter into a national gunny sack design competition so that we can teach this enemy of the middle kilass an exemplary lesson. He must leave the Republic at once and go an live with Lady Annabel Ismith, unless he wants to end up  inside the national winner of the gunny bag competition. More...

Letter to Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Abdullah, 

By the grace of Allah SWT, and the benevolence of Brother Hakimullah, we are all set to place our pious bottom on the throne of Islam. Allah be praised, the faithful of the Republic have chosen us to be their commander.  Delegates are coming from all corners of the caliphate to express their submission. The forces of Islam have won a comprehensive victory. The swamps of error, deviation and mischief have been drained, just as the swamps of dengue were drained before that. More...