By: Hakim Hazik

The RAF Hercules taxis slowly to a stop on the tarmac of Bagram Airbase. The most important dignitary to grace the ISAF airbase in a decade steps off. It is none other than Mullah Akhtar Mohammad Mansoor. The doyen of the Quetta Shura, Viceroy to the Realm of Hindukush, the trusted rapporteur and heir to the King Emperor of Quetta and Qandahar, Mullah Mohammad Omar himself. (God preserve his shadow). More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Bon jour Ada Sarko Zee. This is votre brotheur from Islamabad. Mon regards to Adi Carla, the Sultana of Brunei. More...

اے مچ تساڈا بلدا پئے

محمد ایوب

راتیں ٹھڈیاں ٹھار سہی

ہوند تساڈی سیک ودی

گھپ ہنیرے رستے تھئے

تساں چندر ہتھاں وچ چئی پھردے

More...

The Quaid Ispeaks

By: Hakim Hazik

Kiranchi represents the hopes and aspirations af all midil cilass peepils acrass the world. If a midil cilass worker such as Imran Farooq is martyred in a knife itack in Edgware, he is biraught to Kiranchi in a bax, to be buried in the piramised land. Such is the attraction af Kiranchi. It birings midil cilass peepil together firam UP, Bihar, Bangladesh, Burma, Afghanistan, Balochistan, Iran and various other countries, so that they can achieve their tirue vocation af living an rubbish heaps and selling pap corn, until they are popped off with a bullet in the head by devoted, public ispirited individuals an motorbikes. More...

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

To tell the truth, Asma Jungeer has made as much cantribution towards the kaz af damo cracy as your taroo brather, Jungeer Badar. She has eaten beatings at the hands af the fauj. She has eaten buse at the hands af the maulvis. By the grace af Gad, she has kicked the pious and overfed behind of Akram Shaikhsab. By the grace af Gad, we have seen the back of Qazi Anwarsab. Narai Takbir. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

As the year draws to a close, we have great news for the people of the Aslafic Republic of Pakistan. We are getting two billion dollars, audit free, interest free, and adjusted for inflation. This has been personally promised in the presence of the world media by the great scion of the Ummah and the Great Off-White Hope, President Syed Barak Hussein Obama (Chishti, Qadri). More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Other people have places like Ellis Island where the dispossessed of the world disembarked and were given a new beginning, a new hope and a new life. We have Jalozai where the our Afghan, Turkmen, and Tajik brothers arrived in wave after wave, to be given food, shelter, new hope, new domicile certificates, new national identity cards, new Kalashnikovs, new indoctrination and a new purpose in life. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Praise be to Allah who created the universe. Praise be to Apostle Brzezinski who created Afghan jihad. A thousand prayers for Al-Sheikh Casey who ran it. May Allah shower his blessings on the soul of the mujaddid of the last century, Hazrat Zia ul Haq shahed (RA). May his jawbone rest in everlasting peace, along with the dentures of  Shaheed Robert Raphel in the Bawahalpur desert. More...

It is great to see the best and the brightest in Pakistan assembled for this historic occasion. I welcome Mr Sher Afgan Niazi, the foremost public intellectual of the Eastern hemisphere; Dr Naseem Ashraf, physician, philosopher and toad eater par excellence; Naeem Bukhari, a leading light in law and scholarly letter writing and last but not the least, PJ Mir, who does not let his intelligence interfere with his patriotism. More...

Letter to Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

In the name of Allah, the most beneficent and merciful, who sent prophets, saints, mujaddids, generals and judges to show His Ummah the path of righteousness. In in the name of power that runs the universe, the IMF, the World Bank, the G8 and sends us special envoys, field hospitals, Chinook Helicopters, Predator Drones and GWOT reimbursements, please accept Eid Mubarak from me, Shahbaz Sahib and your Bhabi. More...